The Trigger
by Lalene Brooks
Summary: Clint didn't speak of his time under Loki's influence. He wasn't traumatized by it, they would just never accept the truth. The truth is Loki left something behind, something that would bring him back to Earth. But is that really a bad thing? No pairings, just friendships. WARNING: Death, tragedy and suicide attempts. Thanks to xanseviera for the cover art.
1. The Truth

**AN: WARNING! This story contains death (no major characters), tragedy and suicide attempts. If you feel such things would be detrimental to yourself or even if you don't like hearing about them it's best if you pick another story.**

 **Thanks go to xanseviera on deviantart for use of the picture 'Avengers+team tessarect' as cover art.**

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Clint Barton never spoke of his time under Loki's control. It wasn't because he couldn't remember, he remembered almost everything. He had a very good memory. There were few moments of his life beyond early childhood that he couldn't remember.

It wasn't because it was horrible either. That infamous Jack Nicholson line was a massive cliche but so apt. They couldn't handle the truth.

The truth was Loki was kind. Sure he'd used the staff on him and forcibly changed his loyalties for a while but it wasn't something he'd had to endure it was... pleasant. He hadn't forced them to work themselves till they dropped. He hadn't hurt them or been cruel. He had been considerate. He had ensured they had all gotten adequate food and rest, even if Loki had to drag Selvig away from his work. The man had been a typical dedicated scientist.

There were some moments he couldn't recall from the first full day with him. Clint remembered Loki challenging his archery skills and he also remembered Loki catching every arrow he shot at him but there was some time between the two that was just blank. He recalled the moment he realized he was missing time and his own voice echoed in his mind as he sank into the memory.

" _What happened yesterday?" Loki turned to the archer a question on his face and Clint continued. "I can't remember everything I did yesterday." Loki raised an eyebrow._

" _Is that unusual for you Agent Barton?" His tone was calm and polite as usual. Barton nodded once._

" _Yes sir, very." Loki sighed and stepped up to the shorter man, resting a hand on his shoulder gently._

" _You are correct. Something did happen but I have blocked your access to the memory. It would only cause you pain. You did agree to this at the time and rest assured that, should you require it, I will release those memories for you."_

Clint had accepted his words. Even now he believed him. Loki hadn't lied to him. Clint was his trusted lieutenant, the only one who learned the whole truth about the invasion. He'd seen the way those meditative communications had left him in pain. He'd been told about the coming 'allies' and knew more about Loki's plan then anyone and something hadn't fit.

It had taken him just under a day to work it out. Well just under a day to have suspicions. When Loki had told him about his memories, Clint felt trusted and secure enough to bring it up. So after requesting a private conversation and some subtle enquiries to ensure the Chitauri weren't listening in just then, he'd flat out asked Loki if he meant to fail.

The god had been surprised but after listening to Clint's reasoning he had caved. He'd told him about his fall from the bifrost, his landing among the Chitauri and their plans to attack Midgard at the behest of the mad titan. He told Clint about offering a quicker route to victory in an effort to save the whole planet at the cost of a few. He spoke of how Midgard needed a strong defense team, should the titan try to come anyway and how he hoped Fury's Avengers were up to the test he was throwing at them.

" _I'm supposed to be on that team, and you could use someone working the other side." Barton said when Loki was silent for a few moments. The god smiled sadly._

" _Your loyalty to me is only borrowed and while I have it they will not trust you. You cannot promise you will feel the same should you be recovered by them."_

 _Barton thought about it. Loki came first. The staff had ensured that but SHIELD wasn't his first priority after him. People he cared about always came before that. The safety of the world sure as hell came before any loyalty to SHIELD. Clint was an assassin, he was no stranger to collateral damage and while it was sometimes tragic he knew well how important it was to focus on the needs of the many._

 _With his logic firmly worked out in his mind, Clint nodded and turned to the door. He heard Loki sigh behind him but his next move shocked the god. There was an audible click as Clint locked the door. He then moved passed his stunned superior to stand at the other end of the room. Loki now stood between him and the only way out of the underground room looking at him in confusion._

" _Try me." Barton spread his arms, giving Loki free access to his chest. The god raised his eyebrows in surprise, contemplating the man in front of him, before raising the sceptre to his chest and withdrawing the power from the mortal. As he pulled the sceptre back Barton let out a breath._

" _That is one weird ass rush." Clint took a moment to center himself before looking up at the man who had been his top priority moments ago and yet what he was truely trying to achieve still ranked higher than SHIELD. "This team Fury wants to put together has some big personalities in it. It's gonna take something special to bring 'em together more than physically." Loki smiled, pleasantly surprised._

" _The common enemy." Barton shook his head._

" _Even with an adversary of your caliber it's not going to be enough. Rogers is a born leader and Stark is an arrogant ass. They're going to butt heads. Banner is practically a pacifist unless you get him angry and while Thor is on Fury's wishlist he's not here. Nat and I have experience working off others but if you want a coordinated team it's gonna take more."_

" _You surprise me Agent Barton. You have quite the strategic mind and the local understanding that I lack. I suppose you have some suggestions?" Loki had underestimated the archer but he wouldn't do it again. Barton crossed his arms as his brow furrowed in thought._

" _Getting them to fight shouldn't be too hard. Rogers will fight because it's what he does. Hit Stark in his ego and he'll fight too. Nat's a spy, she might not be up to fighting a war but if you make it personal she'll go for it. Banner is all about preserving life so if you threaten civilians he might join in, though you may want to piss off the Hulk as well. Getting them to coordinate will need a common purpose for a common reason..." Barton trailed off, frowning at the floor and Loki could tell he'd had an idea he wasn't sure if he wanted to share._

" _Barton?" Loki's tone was firm but not unkind and Clint looked up at him with a wince before running his hands through his hair, hesitating a moment longer before he continued painfully._

" _Coulson. He's... He has this way of getting under your skin, in a good way. He's always calm and friendly. Killing him would be... To the people that know him it would be as bad as killing a child. He becomes important to a person really fast... He's important to me." Barton's voice dropped to a whisper at the last point and Loki noted the look of distress on his face._

" _You do not believe an injury will suffice." Barton closed his eyes and sighed._

" _It kills me to say it but no." The god of mischief nodded, half-formed plots already filling his mind._

" _If I can find a way to spare him, I will." Clint nodded, grateful but still afraid it may not be possible. He cleared his throat and changed the subject._

" _So they're gonna need to 'recover' me at some point. The sceptre works with the brain, right?" Loki nodded and Clint continued. "Would a blow to the head shake it loose?" Loki considered the sceptre in his hand for a moment._

" _Probably. Why?" Barton smirked._

" _Because if I know Natasha that'll be the first thing she'll try."_

They had continued planning a while longer and when Loki had returned the staff to Barton's chest, Clint had been surprised. He didn't feel his priorities shift as he had the last time and Loki explained he'd only used enough of the sceptre's power to make it look like he was under Loki's control. He'd also formed a mental link between the two of them.

Any thoughts Clint consciously directed to Loki would be heard by him and vice versa. He'd gotten the hang of it rather quickly. It had been Clint who suggested he use Stark tower in New York as an opening point… while Loki had been in a different room.

 _/What is special about it? Why there?/ Loki spoke in his mind curiously._

 _\\\It's perfect for several reasons.\\\ Clint returned looking down at the page he was preparing. \\\It will serve as the blow to Stark's ego to get him invested. It's powered by its own reactor which we can use to jump-start the portal and it's in the middle of a city. The threat to civilians would get Banner involved but the extensive subway system would give people an easy escape route, especially if you can keep the Chitauri above ground.\\\ He placed the sheet of paper covered in binary code into a simple manila folder and headed to where he knew Loki was._

 _/Hmm. Why do I sense a 'but'.../ Loki sent and Clint smiled slightly as he approached the god._

 _\\\Not a 'but'... a 'however'. You'll need this.\\\ Clint handed the folder to Loki who opened it before looking towards his retreating back in confusion._

 _/Is this some form of code?/ Loki sent to him as Clint busied himself supervising Loki's other minions._

 _\\\Of a sorts. It's binary. A language made for computers. Stark's tower is operated by an artificial intelligence so advanced it has a degree of autonomy. That page translates to 'It is vital the Avengers do not know but I plan to fail. The alternative is an ELE. I am here to prevent it. Please signal you understand by dimming the lights.' The tower is full of cameras the AI has access to. You only need to lay it flat in full view of one of these cameras.\\\_

 _/What is an ELE?/ Loki looked over the page once more, as if he could decipher the words if he stared hard enough._

 _\\\Extinction Level Event. Something that has the potential to wipe out all life on the planet.\\\ Barton paused while his focus was drawn outwards to answer someone's random question. \\\Don't forget to destroy it after you get the signal. I wouldn't be surprised if Stark could read it straight off the page.\\\_

Loki had praised his idea and tucked the file away safely. Loki had told him he could easily entice Thor to Earth by revealing himself to Heimdall and putting on a bit more of an act about ruling Midgard and the Allfather was bound to send his precious heir to stop him. Clint heard the bitterness in his tone but didn't pry. Every family had issues of some kind.

Clint pointed out that if Thor did come and Loki did manage to fail that he would most likely be taken back to Asgard. Loki said he wasn't worried about that and promised to prepare something that would allow Clint to summon him from his imprisonment should it be needed. Barton told Loki about one of his personal safe houses that SHIELD didn't know about where he could put it.

Clint had advised Loki to include an off switch for the portal and the god of mischief had managed to manipulate Selvig into adding one while thinking it had been his idea. As the machine got closer to completion and Selvig told Barton he need iridium, Loki spoke into Clint's mind that it was time for the real acting to begin. The invasion was drawing closer and the Chitauri would be watching more often and he was about to reveal himself to Heimdall.

Loki made a song and dance about ruling not hiding and Clint voiced an idea to get himself captured by SHIELD. They spoke about the raid in Germany before Loki made a show of pausing before looking up and calling for everyone to pack up and prepare to move tesseract before shielding himself from Heimdall again to give the Asgardian the impression the spell had simply slipped from Loki's focus momentarily.

The raid had gone well. Although Clint had nearly lost composure and laughed out loud when Loki spoke in his mind as the eye scanner received the data from Loki's transmitter.

 _/Everyone is running away screaming. Do you think they'll realize where I am?/ Loki's tone was amused and Clint could practically see the mischievous and probably slightly feral smile he wore. Knowing the man Loki was currently assaulting would suffer only brief pain and temporary blindness, the tone Clint replied in was equally amused._

 _\\\They probably picked you up as soon as you appeared on a security camera, though depending on where they are it could take a while to get there. You may want to put on a show about ruling Earth if you need to delay.\\\_

 _/Oh this will be fun./_

Safely back in their stolen quinjet Clint had allowed himself to smile at the trickster's comment. The other minions probably just thought it was about a successful mission Clint didn't correct them. He was really coming to like the guy. Clint understood why he'd been named the god of mischief. The way he seemed to revel in acting the villain while cracking jokes in his head told Clint he didn't get much opportunity to play like this often.

Outwardly he seemed cruel and cold but the unspoken communication between them revealed the depths of emotion Loki was capable of. He tried to hide it and Clint didn't give him any indication he'd noticed but there was a layer of hurt under his playfulness.

Clint was alone, resting in a room of their new base when Loki's sarcastic tone drifted into his mind.

 _/Oh joy. Thor's here./ What Clint sent back wasn't words but a sense of curiosity. He'd seen Thor briefly when he'd been trying to recover his hammer and he was curious about him. Sensing his friend's curiosity, (Friend? When had that happened?) Loki opened the connection between them a bit wider and allowed Clint to view what he was seeing._

 _Clint watched as Thor pulled Loki out of the quinjet and slammed him into the ground. He felt an echo of the pain that went through Loki and he couldn't help but crack a joke to try to ease his suffering._

 _\\\Is that how he says hello to everyone? 'Cos I'm not sure I want to meet him if it is.\\\ Loki couldn't suppress the surprised chuckle that erupted from him. Clint smiled to himself for making him laugh and continued to watch the encounter._

 _His smile faded into a frown as he heard Loki weave truth and lies in order to manipulate the god of thunder into joining the fight. He could practically feel the emotional pain Loki was doing his best to hide. Loki could tell that Clint noticed but somehow he didn't mind. He didn't sense any judgement or pity coming from the archer._

" _You give up the tesseract, give up this poisonous dream! You come home." Thor's voice had softened and Clint spoke gently to Loki._

 _\\\He sounds really worried about you.\\\ Barton felt Loki's surprise at his observation and he worried he'd crossed the line. Were they friendly enough that he could say something like that without offending him?_

It was at that moment when Loki turned back to his conversation with Thor that Clint realized that Loki was a lot like Coulson. When you knew the real him he could become important to you really quickly. The difference was Loki took great efforts to hide away his true self. Clint didn't understand why he'd never really done that with him _._

Loki and Clint had continued their mental planning session as Loki sat in the cell he would have no trouble escaping. They planned for an attack on the helicarrier, both to put the carrier out of commission and out of the way of the coming battle and as an initial team builder for the Avengers.

Clint marveled at the elegant complexities of Loki's planning and the god himself appreciated Barton's strategic input. They really seemed to work well off each other and they shared a similar, slightly dark, sense of humor.

When Loki had suddenly paused and told Clint that Romanov was there Barton told him if he mentioned Dreykov's daughter, Sao Paulo and the hospital fire she would think Loki had all sorts of details about her past. Clint told him to really get her on board he would have to terrorize her. He needed to personally offend her but let her think she had conned some sort of information from him. He suggested threatening him.

Loki had told Clint he thought her acting was exceptional. He may have even believed her if he hadn't been doing the same sort of thing for centuries. When Loki repeated the threat he'd given to her over their mental link Clint had just laughed and pointed out that since Loki never intended to harm him it wasn't actually a lie.

The attack on the helicarrier went well. Hulk was unleashed which was a bit scary but also served to let Banner's green alter ego know a serious fight was coming. Clint knocked out the security cameras and one of the engines before escaping into the air ducts he knew like the back of his hand. He had paused in an alcove when Loki told him Coulson was there. He waited with baited breath for Loki to tell him how it went down.

 _/A non-fatal stab wound and a slow paralyzing spell. In a few minutes it will fully activate, slowing his heart rate to four beats per minute. The spell should wear off in a couple of days. Heal the stab wound and he will recover./ Loki reported to Clint and the archer let out a breath of relief._

 _\\\Thank you.\\\ In reply to Clint's heartfelt gratitude he cracked a joke._

 _/When you see him again tell him that weapon of his rather stings./ Clint smiled._

 _\\\Sure thing. Now if you'll excuse me I have a date with a concussion.\\\_

Getting the energy drawn out by the scepter had felt like a brief adrenaline rush. Having it shaken loose by a blow to the head felt different. As the energy dissipated it felt like he was coming down off a bad high. He played up his discomfort to make more of a show of 'coming to his senses.'

Normally he wouldn't be able to lie so convincingly to Natasha. She knew him too well but she didn't know Loki. She assumed he had been cruel and unkind and hell bent on taking over the planet. If she were right then there was no way Clint would have helped him but she wasn't. Her wrong assumption let her believe his story.

He told her he didn't know where Loki was headed. He'd asked Loki to drop hints for him so he could play up the mindless drone soldier part. He hoped he wouldn't have to try dropping a few of his own. Thankfully it wasn't long until Rogers was calling them to action.

The battle itself had been intense. He remembered flying to Stark tower and his sharp eyes had noted that the top floor lights were slightly dimmer and he smiled to himself. His favorite moment had to be when Nat had called for his assistance because Loki was on her tail. Clint could tell the god of mischief was deliberately letting his shots go slightly wide, same as he'd done when he'd shot an arrow at her. Clint dialed up an explosive tip knowing it wouldn't really hurt Loki, just surprise him. He smiled as he lined up the shot. He knew Loki would catch it but with their connection now broken he couldn't know of the prank Clint was about to play in the heat of battle.

He kept with the lie after the battle, after Loki and Thor returned to Asgard, even now more than two months later he still hadn't told anyone the truth. Clint looked to a specific drawer in his room. A couple of weeks after the invasion he'd gone to his safe house to retrieve what Loki had left for him. He'd found a box with seven crystals and instructions on how to summon him directly from where he was probably imprisoned in Asgard. Loki's note had warned him to only do it if truly necessary because it would only work once.

After returning with it to the newly remodeled Avengers tower he'd shown the box to Nat and made her swear never to look inside but he told her if ever he went missing to check the box. If it was gone as well she should head to central park, alone, to the same spot they'd seen Thor off from. He asked her not to tell anyone else. He had been so serious about it so she had promised.

He didn't know why he felt compelled to tell Nat but somehow he knew that whatever the circumstances that necessitated Loki, he would want her there too. Something told him that whatever memory Loki had hidden from him couldn't be good.

Clint was pulled from his reminiscing by a loud alarm that seemed to echo throughout the entire tower. The call to assemble.


	2. The Summons

The Avengers quickly assembled in the briefing room. Thor, still on Asgard, was the only one not present. Everyone was geared up for battle except Stark and Banner. Stark suits up on the way out and Banner doesn't suit up until he's on site and then only if it's necessary. The screen in the room flared to life revealing Director Fury. He skipped the greeting and got straight to the point, to no one's surprise.

"I need you over in Edison. A small herd of cows broke containment at a genetics lab and is causing havoc in a residential area."

"Since when are the Avengers needed for a bunch of steaks in leather jackets?" Stark scoffed, crossing his arms. Fury just glared at him.

"Since steak grew eight feet tall and bullet proof." Everyone raised their eyebrows at Fury's reply.

"How many are we talking, Sir?" Rogers asked before Stark could come up with another smart ass comment.

"Reports say five, the lab says six. Contain them if you can, kill 'em if you can't. I don't care but do it quick. I want your asses in the air in two minutes. They're on a direct path with an elementary school and classes end in an hour. Get it done." Fury signed off without preamble and the screen went black.

The news that kids could be at risk kicked everyone into high gear and everyone was alert as Rogers turned to his team.

"Stark, suit up and head out. I want a threat assessment as soon as you get there. Try and turn them from their path if you can. JARVIS?"

"Pre-flight checks complete. The jet is ready, Sir." Stark's AI responded immediately and Rogers nodded.

"Thank you JARVIS. Alright let's move out."

It was only a short flight over to New Jersey. The jet was only a couple of minutes out when the comm came to life.

"Fury wasn't kidding, these things are huge. My repulsors knock 'em about but it doesn't have a lot of effect. I think we're gonna need mean and green. I can only see five though. Maybe the other one didn't make it out."

The battle was rough. Clint and Natasha's weapons had limited effect on the beasts so they were delegated to civilian evac while the rest tried to take them down. When the area was clear they switched to trying to keep them in one place. Just because a bullet or an arrow didn't pierce their skin didn't mean it didn't help corral them.

Hulk was having fun. These cows took a couple of hits from the big guy before going down. They had four down and they were working on getting the fifth one down when Clint saw it. He was standing on the roof of a house, keeping watch on the ones they'd already knocked out when he saw movement near Widow's position.

Out of the shadows between a couple of houses lumbered the six beast, this one a bull, moving closer to Natasha. Clint strung an arrow even as he called out a warning to his fellow assassin. He took aim at the eye, hoping it would prove a vulnerable spot and loosed.

He watched the path of the arrow and was shocked. Just before the arrow hit the bull tossed his head, causing the arrow to bounce of the thick hide between his eyes. The bull roared in rage and charged at the only other living thing in its view. Natasha tried to dodge but the animal was fast. He lowered his head and Natasha let out a cry as the horn pierced her side.

Clint's mind froze for a second and seemed to be trying to remember something only to hit a wall of blue energy. Energy that swirled to life and surged forth, filling his eyes and blanking his mind. Then instructions filled the blankness.

 _Conceal your eyes._

The afternoon was bright so he was already wearing sunglasses. With that realisation another command rose.

 _Complete your mission._

His mission? The blue energy blanking his mind parted slightly to allow him to retrieve the information needed and transformed it into a subset of commands. Avengers assembled. Huge cows. Kill or contain. Safe guard civilians and team mates. Report back.

This all happened at the speed of thought so when his attention once more turned outward the bull had only just tossed its head, flicking the injured woman off his horn to impact with the side of a house.

As she crumpled to the ground Clint drew another arrow taking aim at the beast before loosing. This time the arrow flew straight to its intended target, sinking into the soft tissue of its eye. The beast roared with rage just before the arrowhead opened shooting out shards of shrapnel and shredding its brain. The huge animal dropped. Clint activated his comm.

"Found the sixth. Widow is down. Target eliminated." As he spoke he looked over at the rest of the team and noted the cow they had been fighting was also down. He climbed down and rushed to his fallen team mate. She was conscious but heavily dazed and bleeding from the hole in her side. He put pressure on her wound.

The captain hurried over to help get her back to the jet, leaving Iron Man and Hulk to move the large animals onto a truck that rolled up as Clint took off, piloting the jet back to the tower and medical attention for his team mate.

A med team was waiting for them as they landed and as they hurried her off to the med wing Steve pulled the archer into a debrief with Fury, hoping to distract him from worrying about her. Clint was nowhere near distracted. His mind still blank and focused on his mission.

His tone was bland and all business as he reported on the battle, still wearing his sunglasses and in his combat gear. Neither man noticed anything odd, assuming he was just worried about Natasha. As soon as Fury dismissed him he stood with a nod and left the room. They both assumed he was heading to check up on her.

As Clint left the briefing room a thought echoed in his head. Mission Complete. Another command rose to the forefront of his mind.

 _Summon Loki._

Clint immediately headed for his room to retrieve the box. He left his bow and quiver in his room but didn't bother to change out of his tactical gear before leaving the tower with the box. Between the battle and the debrief it was dusk by the time he arrived at the spot he'd last seen the person he needed.

The instructions to summon the god of mischief rose in his mind and he didn't hesitate to set the crystals up exactly as he needed. He received a few strange looks from the last few stragglers leaving the park but he barely even registered their presence and they didn't linger, it was getting dark and he was obviously armed.

The summoning itself took about fifteen minutes as he stood in half of the circle of six crystals, the seventh lay in the center at his feet. Blue energy flowed between the crystals and grew in brightness slowly before it flared. The energy dissipated completely, leaving the crystals dull and powerless and revealing a tall form that hadn't been there a second ago.

"Barton." Loki greeted his mortal friend. Clint didn't reply. His mind was still blank and awaiting a command, not a greeting. Loki rose an eyebrow at the lack of response before he reached over and took the dark glasses from the other man's eyes. He immediately noted the blue energy of the sceptre swirling in them and he sighed. "You've been triggered."

It was a statement, not a question or command so Clint just blinked. Loki took a breath to say something else when he paused, tilting his head slightly. He could sense someone else nearby coming up behind him, someone he recognised.

"The Widow is here. Did you ask her to come?" Clint nodded once at the question. "Does she know about the invasion?"

"No." Loki sighed. This complicated matters a little.

Natasha was worried. Extremely worried.

She'd escaped the doctors relatively easily. They knew better than to try and keep her if they didn't really have to. They'd patched up her wound, thankfully it was only minor, and discovered only a broken rib and a minor concussion, not enough to keep her there so she'd left. She'd gone in search of Clint to make sure he was alright, knowing how much he hated it when she got hurt, and came across the Captain.

After she'd reassured him she was fine he told her he'd just finished the debrief with Fury. He told her he was sure Clint had gone to see her but Natasha had just rolled her eyes and told him he was probably showering or moping in his room and she'd set out to find him once more.

She'd spotted his bow and quiver immediately and then noted the open drawer. The open and _empty_ drawer and her eyes widened. She left the tower, ignoring the fact that she was still in her mission gear. A blue flash of light caught her attention as she approached the area they'd seen Thor and Loki off from.

Cautious, she stuck to the shadows as she approached. She spotted Clint but her breath caught as she saw who was with him. She circled around quickly coming up behind the god as he took off Clint's sunglasses. Even from this distance she could see the unnatural blue in his eyes and she quietly drew her gun as she approached. Loki said something she wasn't quite close enough to catch and Clint nodded, another question from Loki she didn't hear but she managed to make out Clint's reply as she crept closer. She was close enough now to make out the next question.

"Do you have any pain in your head?" Loki's question threw Nat for a second. What the hell was going on? Clint shook his head and Loki gave him a nod before replying.

"Then we have some time. Pack up." Clint nodded and immediately reached down for one of the crystals at his feet. Loki's form seemed to dissolve and Natasha's eyes widened. That was the only warning she had before she was grabbed from behind. Before she could even react he had taken her weapon, placed it back in the holster at her waist and had her arms crossed over her chest. He held her up against him keeping her arms in place with one hand.

"Good evening Miss Romanoff." He greeted her amiably. She lifted a foot to kick back at him but before she could strike she felt his other hand on her neck and her entire body went limp. Every single muscle in her body relaxed, her head falling back against the trickster's shoulder. She couldn't move, couldn't speak and even found it difficult to draw in air. Her heart raced in panic. She could still see Clint in front of her calmly packing the crystals into the box he had shown her, not even reacting to her plight as her vision started to darken.

"Calm yourself. You can still breathe. Slow, deep breaths." Loki's voice in her ear was calm and oddly reassuring. She focused on slowing her heart rate and taking slow measured breaths. Her vision returned and her breathing got easier as she settled herself into steady rhythm. As she watched Clint close the box she assessed her situation.

Clint was under mind control again. Somehow Loki was back and he'd completely paralysed her. He held her up against his chest easily, her feet weren't even touching the ground anymore. He held her arms crossed over her chest in a firm, yet surprisingly gentle grip. She could tell he was only using one hand to hold her. It was as if she were nothing more than an infant held against a parent's shoulder.

Clint walked over to them holding the box containing the now spent crystals. He stopped in arms reach of the God of Mischief, proven by Loki when he raised a hand to grip his shoulder.

"This may feel odd." Was the only comment he made before the world dissolved there was the distressing sensation of exploding and imploding at the same time. Odd he said. Perhaps he was the god of understatements too. The world came back into focus to reveal a totally different location. Natasha didn't recognise it.

Clint obviously did though. He didn't falter as he laid the box down on the coffee table and moved to the light switch. With the room suitably lit he just stood there, looking at Loki and waiting for his command. Loki pointed to the coffee table.

"Place every weapon on your person on the table, then fetch every firearm you have here as well." Clint moved to obey without protest and Natasha felt Loki running his free hand over her. His touch wasn't lecherous, just searching. He tossed the pistol from her waist onto the table with Clint's growing pile of weaponry. Nat resigned herself to being disarmed and was surprised when his touch ghosted over her knives without removing them, there was no way he hadn't noticed them.

As Clint moved from room to room retrieving all manner of guns, Loki gently lowered her into an armchair and Natasha was once again reminded of a parent handling an infant. He searched her legs and removed her back up gun from her ankle holster as Clint returned, dropping a few more guns onto the table before standing still. Loki looked at the small arsenal littering the coffee table and nodded. He stood and turned to the archer waiting his command.

"Go shower then dress in something comfortable for sleeping. Come to me immediately if your head begins to trouble you." Clint nodded and turned to leave, stilling when Loki spoke once more. "Wait." The god placed his hand on Clint's chest. Green energy sprung from his hand to cover the archer before fading away. Loki pulled his hand back and nodded. Clint resumed his path out of the room.

Loki watched him go for a moment before turning his attention back to his captive with a sigh. With a negligent wave he made the weapons and box on the table disappear as he moved to kneel next to the chair. Still completely paralysed she couldn't move away from the glowing hand he rested on her head. She expected to be placed under control, like Clint, instead she felt her concussion induced headache fade.

"I expect you have questions." Loki's voice was calm and as he moved his hand from her head she felt the paralysis ease slightly. Not enough to move an arm or leg but enough that she could breathe easier and move her head a little. She watched as he placed his hand, still glowing green, on her side against the stab wound she received a couple of hours ago. The pain from the stab wound and her broken rib eased as she replied.

"Why should I trust anything you say?" While not openly hostile, she was in a vulnerable position after all, her tone was far from friendly. Loki rolled his eyes as he moved away from her and settled himself on the now empty coffee table.

"I lie a lot less than you might think."

"Said the god of lies." The corners of Loki's mouth twitched upwards at her snarky reply.

"I would be better described as the god of deceit. The vast majority of Asgard is incapable of comprehending the term 'Critical Thinking' much less applying it. I trust you to know better." He seemed to consider something before he spoke again.

"Barton once told me of a game you mortals play to get to know one another. Two truths and a lie. Three statements. See if you can find the lie." He counted off on his fingers as he spoke. "One, I am 1073 years old by Midgardian calendar. Two, I am the son of a king. Three, I am here now purely for Barton's wellbeing." Natasha scoffed.

"I have no way to confirm the first. Thor said you were adopted so I can't confirm the second either but there is no way that last one is true." Loki smiled.

"And yet it is. The first is the lie. Thor is 1073. I am 1048 by Midgardian years."

"Don't tell me you really believe that whole free from freedom crap you were peddling last time you were here. How is taking over his mind again good for him?" Natasha growled. Loki sighed and rubbed his forehead.

"Truthfully I haven't taken over his mind _again_. The level of control he is under at present is dangerous to maintain for more than a few hours. Last time wasn't control, more like… influence, I switched his priorities, instilling a loyalty to me before SHIELD or even friends or family, but he was still in control. Even that wasn't for as long as you believe. This, now… I crafted this situation for his benefit." He dropped his hand and looked her in the eye.

"Tell me, Miss Romanoff, have you ever seen him miss a target?"

"Yes." Natasha said recalling dodging his shot during their fight before his cognitive recalibration. Loki smirked at her quick reply.

"Let me rephrase that. Have you ever seen him shoot an arrow and be truly surprised at where it hit?" Her eyes widened.

"You're saying he deliberately missed when we fought?"

"Of course. He wouldn't hurt you if he could help it and I'd withdrawn the majority of the sceptre's influence by that point so even if I _did_ want you dead he wouldn't have done it then. I'd merely left enough to make it look like he was still being controlled. In truth he agreed with what I was trying to achieve."

"He agreed to a global takeover with an alien force?" She asked sceptically. Loki smiled knowingly.

"No. He agreed to ensure the formation of a defensive team with an aim of taking out an army under the control of a powerful intergalactic threat. It only took him just over a day to ask if I intended for the invasion to fail." Natasha's eyes widened.

"Even if I believed you about that. Why are you doing this now?" Loki sighed.

"I am only telling you this because he asked for you to be here, even if he didn't consciously know why he would want you to be." Natasha shot him a look that said 'Get on with it.'

"He has a suppressed memory. A very traumatic one. The act of missing a target, one he fully expected to hit, would trigger that memory. I saw the results last time I was here. I was able to lock it away again with the power of the sceptre and even added a bit of power between the trigger and the memory, the result of which is this." Loki waved a hand in the direction Barton had disappeared.

"Given that the trigger could, and most likely would occur during a battle I planted commands to ensure he could complete his mission and return to a place of safety before he had to face the memory."

"What memory?" Natasha wasn't completely convinced but she wasn't going to burn any bridges until she knew exactly what the truth was.

"His sister." Loki's solemn reply had her raising her eyebrows.

"He doesn't have a sister." Loki smiled sadly at her.

"No he doesn't _now_. He was barely a decade old when…" Loki stopped midsentence, seeming to focus inward for a moment before a look of alarm crossed his face and he stood, turning to the hallway the archer had disappeared into. "Barton!"


	3. The Memory

A worried frown crossed Natasha's face as Loki called out for her friend and fellow avenger. Something had the god worried about Clint and that in itself gave her pause. When the man in question appeared from the hallway nothing appeared wrong.

Clint was now dressed in grey sweats and a plain white tee, his feet bare. In one hand he held a towel rubbing it over his still wet hair. His other held a corner of the towel, wiping it across his face. As he draped the towel over his shoulder and dropped his hands to look enquiringly at Loki, Natasha caught the first sign of anything wrong.

There was blood on the towel where he'd rubbed it over his face. A smudge below his nose confirmed where it had come from. Loki beckoned the man closer as he spoke.

"Why did you not… Never mind, come here." As Clint stepped up close to Loki his face was still blank of emotion and his eyes still swimming with a blue energy. A small trickle of blood that leaked from his nose was ignored as Loki raised his hands to either side of his head, placing his thumbs over the archer's temples.

Green flared over Loki's hands and Natasha forced herself to stay quiet. If he was messing with Clint's mind she wasn't going to distract him. No matter what his goal a distraction could prove hazardous for Clint. She watched, immobile in her seat as the blueness in his eyes faded, much in the same way as it had after she'd given him a concussion, just before she knocked him out completely.

Awareness rose in Clint's eyes as the blue faded and a look of confusion rose on the archer's face.

"Loki?" There was only confusion in his tone, no anxiety or anger. Natasha's eyebrow rose slightly. Perhaps Loki hadn't been lying to her but right now he was focused on Clint.

"Hold still a moment Barton." Loki's tone was gentle but he didn't spare much focus from whatever it was he was doing.

"Okay." Clint's tone now held an air of pain, trust and a little wonder. The confusion was still there and Nat couldn't tell what was going on. Loki's hands continued to glow for a few moments before the glimmer faded. He dropped his hands down, lightly gripping his mortal friend by the biceps, his eyes searching Clint's.

"Are you in any pain?"

"No, I mean I think I was but you took it away, right?" Clint paused and Loki nodded in confirmation. "What happened? How are you here? Did I…?" Loki sighed and plucked the towel from his shoulder, gently wiping the blood from under the shorter man's nose as he replied.

"What do you remember?" Clint frowned as he thought.

"I remember a call to assemble, something about eight foot steak and then… uh… nothing." Loki's eyebrow rose and he turned to the assassin still paralysed and sitting in a chair.

"Eight foot steak?" Natasha rolled her eyes but didn't see any reason to conceal information, on this at least.

"Genetically engineered cows." Clint looked to her, only just noticing her presence, his expression a mix between confusion, concern and a guilty 'busted' look.

"Nat?"

"Clint." The archer winced at her tone. It was solid and held little emotion, she was in mission mode.

"Are you okay?" Natasha flickered a look towards Loki before glaring at Clint.

"Either we're both in serious trouble or you've been lying to me. Either way, not so much. Doesn't help that I can't move." She sent a glare to Loki as she mentioned not being able to move and Clint looked between them in alarm.

"Loki?" The god in question folded his arms and raised an eyebrow at Clint, shrugging unapologetically.

"You asked her to come yet did not explain what really happened. It is just a mild form of what I put on Coulson." Clint nodded but Natasha's eyes blazed.

"You killed Coulson." Loki didn't retaliate to the accusation just looked at Clint pointedly. She had just made his point for him. Clint sighed and sat down on the couch. Looking down at his hands he spoke quietly in defence of the man still standing beside him.

"He didn't. He made it look like he had but he didn't. Coulson was stabbed yes, but it was a relatively minor wound. Dangerous but not fatal. Loki told me he put him under a paralysis spell that would last a couple of days. A sort of stasis. His heart rate was lowered to four beats a minute. He looked dead but he wasn't."

"And you just believed what he told you?" Clint looked up to her, his expression entirely sincere.

"Yeah I did. But when Fury didn't come clean after the battle I went looking. I found him in the morgue. I checked his pulse and it was still there if you waited but I couldn't tell anyone how I knew." Clint sighed and ran a hand through his hair before continuing.

"I snuck in and rigged him up to a heart monitor. I programmed it to beep with the heart beat but not the flat, then I hid in the vents. They found him and realised he was still alive. He's fine. I don't know why Fury didn't tell us but he's fine." Natasha's eyes widened before looking to Loki as he spoke up.

"The spell I used on you is tactical, used for restraint. The more intense form is medical, it activates slowly so the injured target doesn't go into shock. The spell itself will maintain the oxygen supply to the patient while lowering the heart rate. It gives healers time to tend to what would otherwise be a fatal wound." Clint looked up at him.

"About that… Can you take the spell off her?" Loki looked down at him and sighed. He waved his hand around while moving toward her. When he stood next to her he reached a hand down but paused before touching her skin.

"If you attempt to attack me I _will_ paralyse you again." He warned before a hand was placed on her neck and the weak feeling left her limbs. "Stretch slowly." He advised before moving away.

"I've sealed the house and disabled communications. I only have four days before my presence will be missed in Asgard. I must get back before that." Natasha looked up at him in confusion as she stretched her limbs out.

"Why go back? You're out. I've never heard of an escapee wanting to return to prison."

"Because a successful escape from Asgardian justice magnifies the sentence ten-fold and I am not stupid enough to believe I can evade them for the rest of my life." Loki sneered down at her.

"So I did summon you then? Why don't I remember?" Loki's expression softened and he moved to sit on the coffee table in front of the archer.

"That's my fault I'm afraid." Loki murmured before looking his friend in the eyes. "Do you remember the last time you asked me why you couldn't remember something?"

"Yeah, you said the memory would hurt me." Loki inclined his head before replying.

"That memory I hid behind a trigger, a specific word spoken by me alone would unlock it. Truthfully that memory in itself would not be damaging, but if you remembered what happened you would remember the other trigger. The trigger for a much older, much more painful memory." Loki sighed and stood to pace before continuing, ignoring the other assassin in the room.

"You asked me, _pleaded me_ , to hide it away again. So I did. I hid it back behind the original trigger with the power of the sceptre and added a sort of failsafe. This could happen in the middle of a battle so to keep you safe I hid a control spell between the trigger and the memory. If the trigger activated the spell would awaken before the memory and take control of your mind. I left imbedded commands for you, to complete your mission then, once in a place of safety, to call for me."

"When I arrived your mind was blank. You couldn't remember or do anything without my command. That level of control takes a toll on the mind and can damage it if held for more than a few hours. When I brought you here I sent you off to bathe while I attempted to explain the situation to Miss Romanoff. But I miscalculated my command." Loki stilled, looking at the carpet guiltily.

"I told you to come back to me if your head began troubling you. I should have said to come if you felt pain. I forgot to take into account your high pain threshold and as a result your short term memory was damaged. I repaired the damage but I don't know if you'll ever recover those memories and for that I can only apologise to you Barton." Barton blew out a breath and ran a hand over his slightly damp hair as he processed what he'd been told.

"It's okay. You were just trying to keep me safe. I can stand a few missing memories and how many times do I have to tell you to call me Clint?" Loki smiled sadly and moved to sit back on the coffee table, ignoring the way Natasha tensed as he lifted a hand to his friend's cheek. His sad smile flattened into a look of empathic sorrow.

"I am so sorry, Clint." Something in Loki's tone meant he wasn't talking about the miscalculation and as the god spoke his name something in his mind opened and he gasped remembering that day in the underground bunker.

Loki had challenged his archery skill and dared Clint to hit him. Clint was sure of his aim so he went for a minor wound, a glancing shot of the thigh but Loki was unbelievably quick and the god of mischief easily danced away from the shot. Clint remembered his surprise at the missed shot just before something much older rose to awareness in his mind.

It wasn't just a single memory it was a collection all centered around a young girl. His sister. Knowledge of a little girl affectionately call Dee by her family swirled through Clint's mind and his eyes widened. Why had he forgotten her? Just as he asked himself that his awareness sunk into a full memory.

 _Clint was just a few weeks over ten. His parents had given him his first proper bow and quiver for his birthday and he'd practiced every day, not always hitting the target but getting it more often than not. His confidence in his skill rose and he wanted to try something a little more difficult so he decided to go hunting._

 _He set out for the woods imagining the surprise on his family's face when he brought back a prize buck, taken down with just one arrow. He grinned as he adjusted the strap of the quiver but was brought to a halt by a call behind him._

" _Clint! Clint wait up, I wanna come." Clint turned to see his baby sister Deanne running after him. She was the baby of the family at just six years old and they all doted on her._

" _Go back inside, Dee. It's too dangerous for you." His parents had instilled strict weapons safety into him before letting him have the bow, but his sister wasn't moved._

" _No! I wanna come!" Clint sighed. The doting family had made her a little spoiled but he was young and cocky. He was sure he could keep them both safe, it wasn't like there was anything really dangerous in the woods and even if there was he could kill it._

" _Fine. But you have to do what I tell you." Dee nodded eagerly and they both set off._

 _Clint had to keep reminding her to be quiet because she was scaring off the game but she seemed incapable of stealth for more than five minutes at a time. Clint was getting frustrated, he never should have let her come. She was running this way and that, poking her nose into everything and climbing on dead branches some of which broke, sending a loud noise through the trees._

" _Dee! Stop it! You're scaring away all the animals. If you can't keep quiet you'll have to go home!" Annoyance weighed heavily in his tone. He did care for her but right now she was making him so angry. At this rate he'd be lucky if he got a rabbit. Dee was a sensitive child and she reacted to the harshness of his tone. Tears welled in her eyes and her own temper rose as she glared at her older brother._

" _Fine! I only wanted to go on a 'venture with you!" She spun around and started stomping off through the forest in the general direction of home. Clint sighed and debated going after her. With her gone he might be able to find some game, but he worried she'd get lost. He looked around debating with himself for a little longer before sighing again and taking off after her._

" _Dee? Dee, c'mon, I didn't mean it." There was no reply and Clint picked up the pace, calling for his sister again. "C'mon Dee, I'm sorry. Where are you?" Only now was Clint remembering his parents warnings about the dangerous animals that were in the woods, snakes, bears, boars and wolves. He started to run._

 _Earlier today those threats hadn't bothered him. He'd played in the woods plenty of times and he'd never seen any bears or wolves or anything dangerous. But now, with his sister out here alone somewhere it felt like the forest was crawling with danger._

 _Clint paused to catch his breath. Surely she couldn't have come this far already. He looked around for any sign of her, debating with himself if he should climb a tree for a better look or if he should just keep going._

 _He was sizing up a tree for climbing when he heard a scream off to the left. He tightened his grip on his bow and took off at a sprint._

" _DEE!" He didn't care if he was scaring off game now, all that mattered was her._

" _CLINT! HELP ME!" The reply was a little ways off and he crashed through the underbrush, nearly falling over an old stump but just managing to catch himself in time, stumbling onwards to the sound of her voice._

 _Then he saw her running through the trees, terrified, with a boar on her heels._

" _Dee!" He pulled an arrow out of the quiver as he called and she looked towards him but didn't stop running._

" _Clint!" her voice was terrified and panting and his own heart was racing in fear. He drew the arrow back but his hands were shaking. He let the arrow go but it flew harmlessly over the animal's back. Clint swore and a small part of his mind told him off for using a word that his parents would wash his mouth out with soap for. Clint ignored it as he raced after them, pulling another arrow from his quiver._

 _He tried to calm himself as he leapt onto a fallen log taking aim at the beast again. Dee tripped, going down with a startled yelp. Clint released the arrow and it flew into the side of the boar, but it wasn't a kill shot. The animal roared with anger as it stumbled, catching up to the girl who was trying to pick herself up._

 _Clint loaded another arrow as he ran towards them. The boar lowered its head, slamming into the side of the terrified girl, stabbing her belly with its tusks. She screamed in pain as Clint let loose his arrow, which sunk into the creature's side. The boar stumbled and dropped, lying still. Clint paid it no mind as he raced to his fallen sister._

 _Her hands clutched her wounded abdomen as he sunk to his knees by her side._

" _Dee. It's okay. I've got you." He pulled the girl to him, hugging her close while pressing down on the hole in her side._

" _Clint. I'm scared." Her voice was shaky, weak and terrified. Tears filled his eyes, flowing down his cheeks but he ignored it._

" _It's okay. You're gonna be okay." He rocked her gently. He knew he was supposed to do something, but he couldn't figure out what so he held her._

" _Clint, I'm cold." Her voice was weaker and her eyes drifted shut. Fear stabbed through the boy._

" _No, no, no, don't go to sleep. Stay awake." He didn't know why but it was very important she stayed awake. Her eyes didn't open and he nearly missed her whispered words._

" _I'm sorry I was so noisy."_

" _It's alright. It's okay. You can be as noisy as you want. Just don't go to sleep." He held her head under his chin as he rocked her. She didn't reply._

" _Dee? Dee, wake up. Please wake up." He pleaded desperately. He kept on asking her to wake up even as it got dark. Searchers found him like that a few hours after sunset, still pleading his cold sister to wake up._

A hand on his cheek pulled him back to awareness. Loki now held his head in both hands and Clint realised he was chanting the word no, over and over again. He looked into the god's concerned eyes.

"Take it away. Please, bury it again. _Please_." His voice was desperate and tears streamed from his eyes. Loki shook his head sadly.

"I can't. I'm sorry. That ability came from the sceptre. I'm so sorry Clint." Clint let out a sob and reached forward to hug the man, desperate for any sort of comfort or reprieve from the horror burning in his mind. He didn't notice the god flinch as he wrapped his arms around Loki's back.

"Oh, god, what have I done?" His friend's heartbroken words were muffled against his shoulder but despite the fact that Clint's grip caused him pain, Loki didn't pull away. Instead he moved to the archer's side and pulled him closer.

"It wasn't your fault. You did all you could. You were only a child." Clint's head was tucked under the god's chin and Loki rubbed his back soothingly as he held the stricken man.

"It was my fault. I'm sorry Dee, I'm so, so sorry." Clint's sobs turned harsher and his murmuring became unintelligible.

Natasha stood off to the side, uncertain and uncomfortable. She was used to targets begging and crying but she had no idea how to comfort someone she cared about in the same state. Comfort wasn't something she had been trained for. She was surprisingly grateful to Loki in this moment. Whatever Loki's motives were, this was real.

Her heart ached to see her friend in obvious pain but she didn't know how to help so she stood off to the side awkwardly as Clint cried himself to sleep.

A few minutes after the archer had settled into an exhausted sleep Loki let out a sigh. Changing his grip, Loki stood, carefully pulling the archer up with him. Natasha followed him as he went down the hall. She was surprised at the level of care Loki was showing. While she didn't fully trust him she was prepared to believe he was here to help Clint.

As Loki entered one of the bedrooms Natasha quickly stepped around him, pulling the blankets back on the bed. Loki gave her a nod of thanks before laying his friend down. He gently pulled the covers back over his friend but Clint didn't stir. It was another sign that Loki wasn't a threat.

Clint was a light sleeper unless he was in a secure place with only people he trusted. She knew he trusted her and if he were under Loki's control he wouldn't but he didn't even shift as the covers made contact with him. He trusted them both.

Loki left the room, gesturing her to follow and after a glance at her sleeping friend she did. As she left the room she gently closed the door behind her. She turned to face Loki who had propped himself up against the wall by his shoulder. When he saw he had her attention he gestured to the other bedroom.

"You may want to get some rest. I give you my word I will not enter that room without your leave." Natasha glanced at the door before turning back to the god of mischief.

"Clint trusts you. I have no idea why but he does. So why'd you take his weapons? Why take away my guns but leave the knives? I know you noticed them."

"Because a mind as strong as his does not just supress unpleasantness, not without the help of a serious head injury. Tell me Miss Romanoff, have you ever felt pain and regret so powerful you would do absolutely anything to make it stop?" Natasha felt cold at what he was implying but her eyes narrowed at his question and she folded her arms.

"You would know." He shook his head with a brief, sad smile.

"Actually I would not. Dreykov's daughter, Sao Paulo, the hospital fire… to me they are just words he told me to repeat and while I might hazard a guess as to the stories behind them I do not know for sure what they mean. Even if I did, I would not judge you for it. You are not the only one to have performed regretful acts." He sighed and eased himself upright. Natasha noticed his stiff posture as he turned back down the hall.

"Good night, Miss Romanoff." Natasha let out a sigh of her own.

"Loki." He paused and turned at her call and she pulled out her cell. It still functioned but she knew that whatever Loki had done would stop any signal from leaving the house. She quickly tapped out a message as she spoke.

"I don't trust you, but Clint does. So I'm willing to believe you." She tossed the device to him, a gentle throw, not an attacking one and the god easily plucked it out of the air. "Send that to Rogers and don't make me regret this." Her piece said she retreated into her assigned room and shut the door. Loki looked down at the message she had readied for him.

 _Need some time. Clint and I are going off grid for a few days._


	4. The Attempt

Natasha stared at the roof above her without really seeing it. She lay on her back staring into space as she contemplated her situation. Alone in the room she had not shed her weapons. She didn't trust Loki. He'd said he wouldn't come in here but she hadn't lived as long as she had by believing everything she was told.

Something was going on with Clint. She was prepared to believe Loki's story of a suppressed memory. His breakdown earlier seemed to confirm it but if Loki was telling her the truth that meant that Clint had been lying to her. Clint never lied to her, he couldn't. She was always able to read him so how had he done it?

Natasha thought back to that day on the helicarrier. At the time she had believed him but Natasha looked over the interactions again. If Loki had been planning to fail, if Clint had actually been helping would that change anything?

Her eyes narrowed as she reviewed her memories. He hadn't been _completely_ honest with her. Even then she knew he was hiding _something_ , but she had assumed. She assumed he was hiding horrors Loki had made him commit. She had assumed the cruel villain had done horrible things to him and with him and at the time she had understood not wanting to talk about it. She hadn't told him everything about the Red Room either.

But what if his hesitance wasn't about trying not to think about bad experiences? What if those guilty glances hadn't been about what he had been forced to do? Something had seemed off about Clint then. Something didn't fit with what he'd said. What if it wasn't because his mind had been messed with? What if it wasn't a residual trace of being taken over?

Her hand drifted to the bandages stuck to her skin, pulling them off. They were no longer needed now that Loki had healed her, but why had he done that? Was Loki manipulating her now or had Clint been manipulating her then?

She sighed and went over everything that had happened since she found them at the park. Loki had attacked her, but then he hadn't _really_. He had restrained her but he hadn't hurt her. He was unbelievably quick, if he wanted her dead she would be. Simple as that. Instead he had just restrained her, _gently_.

He had handled her carefully and strangely made her feel safe even as he held her against her will. His hold, gentle enough to remind her of a parent handling a child, had an oddly calming effect. His encouragement had kept her conscious when his spell limited her breathing. Passing out would have evened her breath just as easily.

When he had searched her his hands had passed over intimate areas of her body but it hadn't felt perverted. He seemed concerned with her comfort as he lowered her into the plush chair and had even healed her injuries. She had no way of knowing he was capable of that. Natasha knew he could have just left her hurting and she would have been none the wiser. He didn't need to heal her to manipulate her into believing this scenario, so why had he done it? Because of Clint?

Clint had asked her to come to the park, but hadn't told her anything else. She recalled telling Clint she couldn't move and she realized that the way Loki had defended his actions hadn't been accusatory they seemed more like… friendly banter.

The revelation surprised Natasha. Loki acted _friendly_ towards Clint. He was courteous to her but he was more informal with the archer. He had been worried, concerned and comforting to him. Loki _cared._

Natasha took a few breaths to calm her raging mind. This was real. Loki and Clint had both lied to her but not today. Today had been truth, pure terrifying, world-shattering, heart-wrenching _truth_. The invasion had been a farce.

She smirked. Clint had lied to her. She should be angry but she wasn't. She was actually proud. She'd tried to improve his ability to lie. People assumed things all the time, mostly without realizing it. She'd taught him to use people's assumptions against them and he had.

She still didn't trust Loki, if anything this had only proved she had no idea who he was. She had no idea what his motives were, his hopes or aspirations or even his loyalties. Well not entirely… He wasn't a threat to Clint, but that was no guarantee he wasn't a threat to her.

She sighed and closed her eyes. She wouldn't be sleeping deeply tonight.

* * *

A solid, but slightly muted _thunk_ woke her barely an hour later. Her eyes opened but she didn't move, assessing her surroundings. She was alone in the darkened room but she could hear sounds of a struggle coming from the other bedroom, Clint's room.

She was off the bed and out of the room in a flash. She burst through the door to Clint's room and took in the sight that greeted her.

Loki's armor was gone, leaving the god clad in a plain linen tunic and his leather pants. He was on top of Clint, straddling his midsection and holding the archer's wrists above his head as he struggled impossibly against the trickster's strength. She noticed the god wince as Clint kneed him in the back, trying anything to break his hold, but Loki didn't falter. He just flicked his bare feet up and over, holding the struggling legs down with his ankles.

She noticed his hold was gentle. Loki wasn't trying to hurt Clint just stop him from… what? Her eyes were drawn to a green glow covering one of Loki's hands and saw a hint of red on the wrist it was holding. Her eyes widened slightly and she noticed a blade embedded in the wall on the other side of the room. A bloody blade. He had actually tried to… Anger rose like an icy fire burning in her chest. Her determined battle mask faded into an unreadable expression.

"Miss Romanoff, could you please secure the room." Loki's voice was calm, a forced calm but Natasha thought she heard a hint of sadness or maybe fear, perhaps even both but the god didn't lift his eyes from the archer. His words drew Clint's attention to her though.

"Nat. Help me." His words tried to convey that he was under attack but his tone betrayed him and her eyes narrowed. She stalked around the bed, closer to the struggling pair and glared at him.

"You think I can't read a situation?" She growled down at the archer before turning and ripping the flick knife from the wall. She spun back around, pointing the blade at him, not to threaten but pointing out his mistake, like sticking a dog's nose in something it had left on the rug. "You should know better than that by now."

Clint flinched at her harsh tone and watched her wearily as she quickly and methodically stripped the room of every weapon or potential weapon, both hidden and overt. Loki finished healing the no longer struggling mortal and spared a glance to the assassin prowling around, muttering angrily in her native tongue.

As she stalked from the room with an armful of blades and other assorted items Loki looked back down at his friend and noted his distressed expression as he stared at where she had disappeared. It was despair, emotional pain and surprisingly a large amount of guilt.

The god sighed and releasing Clint's wrist, pressed a couple of fingers to his temple, sending him into a dreamless sleep. He eased himself off his friend and rolled the archer onto his side before following after the irate Russian, his strides poised but stiff.

He followed the sounds of sharp angry movements to the large room that served as both kitchen and dining room. He noted the small pile of blades and other seemingly random items dumped on one end of the rectangular table. He rested his shoulder up against the door frame as he watched the Black Widow filling a bowl in the sink. Her back was turned so he couldn't see her face but her shoulders showed tension.

"You could have handled that better." Loki's tone was firm but not unkind. She didn't turn just reached for a cloth, soaking it as she replied.

"You left him alone?" Her tone did nothing to hide her anger and she wrung out the cloth and tossed it over her shoulder at him, not looking but aiming well. Loki plucked the piece of fabric out of the air with the same precision he had her cell and looked at it in confusion. It was then he noticed the red on his hand and understood. He sighed and scrubbed at it while answering her question.

"I sent him into a dreamless sleep." He was silent a moment before returning to his original point, looking toward her ridged frame. "Your anger will not help him." She seemed to deflate at his words. She shut off the water and braced both hands against the sink, her posture slumping.

"I don't know how to help him." She admitted quietly. The anger had drained, fading into a sadness she wasn't quite sure how to express. Somehow it was easier to concede when she didn't have to look at him.

"He did. He knew how to help me. He saved me and he promised he wouldn't leave. This anger, betrayal, fear… I know it doesn't help and he doesn't deserve it but I just don't know how not to _feel_." Her palm impacted on the sink and she sighed, collecting herself before lifting the bowl of water out of the sink moving to the table. She didn't look at the god when she spoke again, her tone now deceptively even. "I never did, that's the problem."

Loki raised an eyebrow at her as she set the bowl on the opposite end of the table to the pile of things she had liberated from Clint's room, next to another cloth and a box adorned with a cross. Natasha flicked her eyes over to him at his silence. She'd already told him more about herself then she'd meant to but somehow she couldn't bring herself to care. She wasn't sure if it was because Clint trusted him or because she subconsciously saw something trustworthy about him herself.

Natasha pulled out two chairs, positioning them facing each other before turning to him properly.

"Take off your shirt and sit." She said pointing to a chair. Loki narrowed his eyes, his expression guarded but he didn't move. Natasha rolled her eyes at his stubbornness. "I'm sure that even on Asgard clothing doesn't bleed by itself. Sit." Loki's eyes widened briefly at her words before he closed them, releasing a silent breath.

He straightened from where he was leaning against the door frame and gently pulled his tunic over his head. He held it up in front of him, immediately noting the red staining the back of the undyed fabric. He looked toward the assassin now sitting in one of the chairs, soaking the cloth in the bowl of water.

Natasha wrung out the cloth and looked toward the reluctant god standing in the doorway. She raised her eyebrow at him. Loki sighed and moved over to the empty chair in front of her, swinging his leg over the seat and sitting down backwards, leaning his arms on the back of the chair.

Loki wasn't built the same as Thor. Instead of the impressive bulk he was all wiry, lean muscle. Natasha made no comment as she looked over his back. There were several long wounds a couple of which were weeping blood. She carefully started wiping away the blood, cleaning his back while she counted his injuries. She didn't ask where the red stripes littering his back come from. She knew whipping marks when she saw them, she'd suffered enough of them herself.

She studied the layers of injuries. Several long gashes were the freshest. Some of these had reopened with Clint's struggles. They spoke of a studded whip, designed to cut through skin. Beneath those were lighter marks, likely made at the same time but with a plain leather whip. They were raised and red but not open. Under those she saw more cuts from the studded whip, mostly healed now. She didn't know how quickly he healed so she couldn't tell how old they were.

Loki bore her ministrations with little reaction. He kept himself relaxed and didn't flinch as she moved the cloth over the open wounds. All he allowed himself was the occasional small intake of breath. She found her respect for him growing.

"Why were you angry?" Natasha paused at his soft question before rinsing the cloth, returning to her task. She was silent for a while and Loki lowered his head onto his arms but didn't push. She debated just staying silent before she sighed.

"He really didn't tell you anything about me? About my past?" Her tone was unreadable and Loki couldn't tell what she was thinking or feeling. Despite the fact that he lacked visual cues it was quite a feat and he found himself impressed.

"He spoke of your abilities and your character but other than those words he gave me… no. He values your friendship. Even when he was truly under the influence of the sceptre he wouldn't have betrayed you unless he felt it was imperative to my objectives, not just for my idol curiosity." Loki shrugged as she rinsed out the cloth.

"It wasn't important. I only needed to know what Midgard's defenders were capable of to ensure the invasion was, while admittedly challenging, not insurmountable." Natasha paused the cloth stilling on his back.

"You made things easy for us?" He could hear the surprise, incredulousness and a hint of insult in her tone. Loki smiled slightly, wincing a little when she resumed, brushing the cloth over one of the open cuts a little roughly.

"Not as easy as I could have. It was meant to be a test of your defenses after all. I ensured it would be difficult enough to be a challenge but easy enough that the true commanders of the Chitauri would not see your true strength."

"But _you_ did."

"Of course. I don't need to know the details of your history to know you have been trained for combat and deception. You really are quite good. I nearly believed you. Had you actually shed a tear I may have thought I'd gone too far." He felt her bristle at the back handed compliment before she relaxed again with a sigh.

"I was never really able to get that particular skill down. They hated that… the red room, where I was trained. I was their most promising student but they couldn't teach me to cry on command, no more than they could stop me from feeling." Loki was surprised at how quickly her tone dropped. Regret was weighing heavily in her voice and she dropped the cloth from his back.

"They used it against me. They were good at that. I tried really hard not to feel, I got really good at hiding my emotions but they knew. Maybe if I'd just learned they wouldn't have made me…" Her voice trailed off heavy with sadness. In one quick fluid movement Loki slid from the seat, onto his knees and turned to face her. He knew, even before he could see her that a single tear had worked its way loose from her eye. He took her hands gently and she looked up at him, surprised by the genuine concern on his face.

"What happened?" Natasha took a breath, steadying herself. She no longer cared that this was Loki. The part of her that normally screamed at her to conceal everything was strangely silent in the trickster's presence. He'd said he wouldn't judge and it had felt like a truth.

"The Red Room trained girls from a very young age and the training never really ends but before they start sending you out on missions they have a sort of… graduating ceremony. Something to prevent anything mattering more than the mission." Natasha closed her eyes and took a breath before continuing.

"They sterilize their agents. I hated it. Regretted it even before it happened but I couldn't refuse. I did my best to hide how I felt from them and I managed it, for a while… Then my handler caught me watching a group of children play and they knew. They do their best to break you at every opportunity, every time they find a weakness they exploit it, _ruthlessly_."

"They sent you after children." Loki spoke his realization gently and Natasha nodded, another tear falling from her closed eyes.

"Teenagers at first but they got progressively younger. There was no escaping the Red Room. I couldn't refuse a mission. There was only one way I could make it stop and I thought about it after every single one. Dreykov's daughter was the last straw. Six months old. Her only crime was being born to someone who had offended powerful people and I slit her throat." Her breath hitched and she had to take a moment. Loki didn't push, he didn't bother trying to comfort or absolve her. He just waited in silence and Natasha was grateful for that.

"Her blood was on my hands and it was just too much. I just had to make it _stop_. They finally managed it. They broke me. That's when Clint found me." She felt disconnected from herself and she continued speaking even as her mind relived the events.

 _Natalia Romanov finally stopped running two miles away from the scene of her latest atrocity, no longer able to see through the tears rising in her eyes. All that was left of the infamous Black Widow was a scared, broken, young woman. She dropped into a dead end alley and stumbled over to throw up behind a couple of bins, her bloody hand staining the wall as she braced herself against it._

 _She continued heaving long after there was nothing left to purge until she stumbled back, hitting the wall on the opposite side of the alley, where she collapsed to the ground and just let the tears come. With an angry sorrow she tore off her blood-stained top, sitting in the frigid alley in just a tank top as she scrubbed at her hands with the cleanest part of the material._

 _When her hands were as clean as she could make them, she threw the shirt away before grabbing the weapons off her person letting them join the discarded shirt. All except the last knife, that she held onto. Her sobs ebbed away and her breathing hitched as she contemplated her bare wrists. Her breathing evened as a morbid relief flooded her. She was ready. She relaxed as she moved the blade closer to her wrist._

" _Well." Natalia froze, tensing at the voice. She looked up and spotted the source standing on a fire escape above her. He had a solid frame that spoke of regular exercise. He wore a sly grin and held a weapon on her, not just any weapon but a bow. Who even used those anymore?_

" _I know I'm good but I gotta say this is the first time a target's done my job for me." His Russian was good but it still held an accent. American._ Fantastic. _She'd been indoctrinated to hate Americans. But then she'd also been trained to kill kids. Natalia relaxed. Maybe an arrow in the heart would be quicker than bleeding out. Didn't mean she'd let him do it just like that though._

" _Do you expect me to make your life easier?" Her voice was rougher than she'd have liked. The man above her gave a short laugh._

" _Nope. In fact I expect you're about to make my life unnecessarily complicated." She watched confused as he lowered the bow and pulled off his quiver, placing them on the metal beside him. She tensed as he dropped to the ground but he didn't attack. Instead he sunk to the ground beside her, leaving a meter between them._

 _He sighed as he relaxed against the wall. She tightened her grip on her last remaining weapon when he reached for something, relaxing slightly when he only pulled out a canteen. He opened it and took a gulp before offering it to her. She hesitated for a second before taking it. She threw caution to the wind as she took a gulp but it was only water._

" _You wanna talk about it? Apparently it's supposed to help." She let out a snort of disbelief but decided what the hell? This guy was obviously an agent opposed to her handlers so maybe she could make their lives a little more difficult on her way out. So talk she did. For a solid hour she told him all about The Red Room. Their training methods, their cruelties and the missions she'd been on._

 _She'd meant to just give him intel but somewhere along the line she began to talk about what they'd made her do. The hopelessness and regrets. She told him all about her latest missions, why they'd been assigned to her specifically and how she felt like she was breaking a little more after each one. She laid it all out and when she fell silent she felt completely spent and totally, emotionally raw._

" _Sounds like you could use a new job." He said after a minute or two of silence. His words forced a morbid laugh passed her lips._

" _You offering?" She asked mockingly._

" _Yes." Her head snapped to look at him at his immediate and completely serious reply, shock easily displayed on her face._

" _Why?" She asked desperately. Tears she had thought long exhausted made a reappearance in her eyes. "Why should I even be allowed to live after I killed all those… How am I supposed to live with that?" She pulled her knees up to her chest, wrapping her arms around them, looking away from the strange archer that had just sat there and listened to her for over an hour without judgement. She heard him move and closed her eyes, tilting her head slightly to give him a clean shot at her jugular._

 _She was surprised when instead of a sharp pain she felt his gentle, calloused hand on her shoulder. His other hand took her chin in an equally gentle grip, turning her head to face him. Her eyes opened and through her tears she saw him. His expression held no judgement, no hatred or scorn. It was just kindness and compassion. When he spoke his voice was as gentle as his grip but held no pity, just understanding._

" _I'm not asking you to live when they didn't, but_ because _they didn't. I'm not asking you to live with yourself. I'm asking you to live with me." She searched his eyes and saw only sincerity._

" _Okay."_

Natasha was drawn out of her memory by a soft hand on her cheek. She looked down at the god kneeling in front of her as he wiped the tears from her cheeks, his gentleness not really surprising her any more.

"I understand." His voice was soft and there was an openness in his expression she'd never seen. He took a breath before continuing.

"For my crimes against Midgard and Jotenheim I am bound to the dungeons of Asgard until my sentence is complete. Twenty lashes each week until the number amounts to ten for every Midgardian life lost and because the number lost on Jotenheim remains unknown, every hundredth lash is delivered by a barbed, nine tailed whip."

"I did nothing to contest my sentence because I am not fool enough to believe that every life lost belonged to one fully grown. For that I know I deserve each strike and more." With that agonized admission, Natasha knew why Clint trusted him and found that she trusted him too. A sad smile appeared on her face and her hand raised to his cheek, mirroring his hand on her.

"You're a good man." She ignored the stunned expression on his face and slipped from the room. She could sleep deeply now.


	5. The Mopes

**AN: I know it's been a while... blame the writer's block that flattened my muse.**

* * *

When Natasha woke sunlight lit the room. She felt well rested and strangely calm, given the rather distressing events and conversations last night. She stretched lazily, warming her muscles for movement from their relaxed state.

The amount of light in the room told her it was well past dawn and she looked for a clock. There wasn't one in the room and she reached for her phone before remembering handing it off to Loki. She sighed, deciding the time didn't matter and rolled off the bed. She stretched more thoroughly, contemplating her filthy mission clothes. She debated taking a shower before an empty gnawing sensation made itself known in her gut reminding her she hadn't eaten since early yesterday. After breakfast then.

She left the room calmly, unlike the frenzied explosion of movement last night, but her destination was the same. The door to Clint's room was open this time and she sidled up to lean on the door frame, surveying the room.

Loki was once again fully dressed. He was sitting in an armchair, leaving a small gap between his back and the chair. He held a book and was quietly reading as if there wasn't anyone else around or anything he'd rather been doing. If not for the stiff way he held himself she would say he was relaxed.

She looked over to the bed and surveyed the figure there. Clint was still in the same position he'd been in when she'd checked on him on her way to bed but his eyes were open, staring at nothing.

"Morning." She greeted them both softly. Clint flicked his eyes to her before returning his gaze to the air above the bed spread but he didn't react to her in any other way. Loki looked up from his book.

"Good Morning." With Loki's attention now on her she glanced over at Clint before looking back at the god and raised an eyebrow in question. Her expression alone asking if he was alright or if she should do something for the archer. Loki gave her a small shrug, sadness and worry evident in his eyes if not his face. Natasha gave him a small nod and left the doorway, Loki returned to his book, Clint remained oblivious to the exchange.

Natasha went to the kitchen to investigate their supplies. She shrugged when she noted the cleared table. Loki had probably tidied up and hidden the weapons away after she'd gone to bed. It didn't really matter. She headed over to a large cupboard that was probably a pantry.

She'd figured this was one of Clint's safe houses not long after they'd arrived and she knew he would keep some food here, even if it was only things that had a long shelf life. She found a pancake mix and set about making them.

Fifteen minutes later she was back at the doorway to Clint's room, carrying two plates. She'd eaten the first few herself while she cooked the rest. Clint hadn't moved and Loki was still reading. She placed one plate on the bed in front of Clint and handed the other to Loki when he lowered the book to look at her.

She didn't say anything, the atmosphere of the room practically demanding silence. If Loki looked surprised at her thoughtfulness she made no mention of it as she turned to leave the room. Loki watched her go curiously. He heard water running through the pipes and looked down at the plate he still held. The corners of his mouth curled slightly and he set aside the book, resting the plate on his lap.

He ate quietly listening to the sounds that defied the silence of the room. Water running through the walls, birds singing outside, the small scrapes as his cutlery met crockery. Half way through his meal he looked towards the bed. He hadn't heard Clint move and he hadn't, the pancakes lay on the bed in front of him, untouched.

"You should eat." Loki's tone was quiet and gentle, encouraging not demanding. Clint looked to him then to the plate on the bed in front of him as if he hadn't noticed it before. The archer's lips twitched, the expression so brief and slight that Loki couldn't tell if it was a grimace or a scowl. It didn't really matter because his next movement was to roll over, turning his back on the god and the meal alike. The message was clear and Loki sighed before turning back to his own plate.

When Natasha returned to the room she was dressed in black sweats and a grey tee. She hadn't been surprised to find clothes that fit her in the dresser. This was Clint's safe house and even though she hadn't known of its existence, making sure she'd be comfortable here was just the kind of thing Clint would do.

She walked into the room and retrieved Loki's empty plate, now sitting abandoned on a nearby dresser. Loki looked up from his book as she approached and gave her a small smile and a nod of thanks. Natasha gave him a nod in return before turning to collect the untouched plate from the bed with a sigh. She left the room and went to clean up the kitchen.

The rest of the day continued the same. Loki read while Natasha found ways to keep herself busy. She cleaned, inventoried supplies, investigated every inch of the house and even went for a bit of a workout in the basement gym. All the while Clint just stared at nothing.

The soup Natasha had heated for lunch went ignored by the archer and he made no signs towards accepting the stew she'd liberated from a can either. The angry set of her shoulders as she cleared away the third ignored meal had Loki sighing and putting his book aside.

He spared a glance at the figure on the bed but decided he probably wouldn't move whether he were there or not and left the room. He once again followed the sounds of angry movements to the kitchen. He heard a solid impact and a Russian curse before he entered to find Natasha cradling a hand.

He walked over to her and took her injured hand from her gently, ignoring the damage to the solid counter top. She didn't protest or try to pull away as he inspected the broken skin on her knuckles. His hands glowed as he sandwiched hers between them. Natasha sighed as the pain faded.

"I still don't know how to help him." Her voice was quiet and a little lost. Loki ran his thumb over her healed hand, wiping away some of the blood still there.

"You do. You are. You are giving him time but letting him know you are here. You are providing meals and not forcing him when he doesn't accept. He will speak when he's ready. He will eat when he wants to."

"Should we be leaving him alone?" Natasha's question seemed dismissive but she didn't pull her hand away and something in her tone said she didn't want him to leave her alone to her frustrations and sadness.

"I have a monitoring spell on him. It's typically used for children and those incapable or unwilling to see to their own safety."

"You knew he might…" Loki shook his head.

"I applied it when he was under control because he couldn't entirely be trusted with his own well being in that state. I left it because I suspected… but thought to show him I would trust him." Natasha looked up at the taller man's face in realization.

"That's why you left the knives but why take the guns?" Loki grimaced.

"Guns are too quick. I gave him the opportunity but I wasn't going to take chances." Natasha sighed and pulled her hand from his gentle grasp. She turned back to cleaning up from dinner, grabbing Clint's bowl of uneaten stew, scraping it into the bin.

"We need supplies. There's only so long we can eat out of cans. We'll need fresh food." Loki nodded to her.

"I know. Tomorrow." He promised.

* * *

The next morning Natasha only spared a quick glance into Clint's room as she made her way past to the kitchen. Hopefully Clint would eat something today. She grabbed the instant oats and sighed. They really needed fresh supplies. Making oats with powdered milk wasn't the best option but it was all she had.

Loki entered the room and sat at the dining table as she stirred the gloop in the saucepan. She looked over at him, her expression alone asking the question he knew she'd ask. He sighed and rubbed his forehead before he spoke.

"He's asleep. It's only been a couple of hours though." Natasha nodded and turned off the stove before serving out two bowls.

She wasn't expecting much from this meal. Powdered milk tasted terrible and she hated it. She tried to disguise the taste by throwing in some dried fruit and honey. That was the good thing about honey. The perfect long term provision, it never went off. Sure it could curdle and candy but once you heated it up it was good as new.

She placed a bowl in front of Loki, who gave a nod of thanks, before taking the seat next to him and placed her own portion in front of her.

"It's kinda pitiful, but it's food." She said by way of apology as she handed him a spoon.

"I'll get some provisions today." The god promised as he scooped up some of his oats. Natasha wasn't a gourmet chef but she knew how to cook. You never know when it would be required for a cover so she'd been taught to be passable in many cuisines but her skills only went so far with limited provisions.

She took a spoonful of the oats and grimaced. She could still taste the powdered milk. She looked over to apologize again and saw Loki was already halfway through his bowl. He was tearing through his meal like a child eating ice cream. She spotted a few stray oats stuck to his chin and smiled.

"And here was me thinking princes were supposed to be well mannered." Loki paused at her laughing tone, spoon half-way to his mouth. He grinned sheepishly and wiped the oats off his chin with his thumb. He ate another spoonful and looked at her with an amused smile.

"I fear, Miss Romanoff that you have discovered my weakness." She raised an eyebrow, a small smile on her face.

"Badly cooked oats?" She asked forcing another spoonful down with an overly dramatic shudder. Loki laughed. It was a genuine sound borne from amusement without a hint of malice or mocking.

"Honey. It is well known in the palace at Asgard that I will eat almost anything with honey."

" _Almost_ anything?" Natasha asked eating her own meal. Loki rolled his eyes but the humor was still evident.

"I was a very fussy eater as a child. Mother would often use honey to coax me into eating foods I wasn't fond of. I grew to appreciate more foods than I would have tried on my own, just because there was a little honey on it."

"Thor found it most amusing and would often bring me vile things covered with honey. It was his favorite game when we were children. I made myself sick a few times. Worms, bugs, flowers, grasses. I ate them all. Most weren't actually that bad." Loki took another spoonful savoring the honey flavor.

"He stopped when he found something I wouldn't eat. He brought me a pile of horse manure, coated with a large amount of honey. I declined, but I have to admit I was tempted." Natasha laughed and pushed her still half full bowl over to him when he cast a sly glance towards it from over his own empty one.

"Well I guess I know what to offer you if you decide to take over the world again." Loki smiled at her teasing tone before he paused, his eyes lighting up with an idea. He scarfed down the rest of Natasha's bowl and stood.

"I must get supplies. I think I know how to entice Clint to eat." Natasha smiled and headed for the cupboard under the sink. It held a safe she had discovered the day before and it hadn't taken her long to hunt down the code. Clint had told her were to look for keys and codes in his safe houses.

She opened the safe and retrieved a small pile of bills before turning back to the trickster only to find him gone and a strange woman in casual clothing standing in the room. She paused a moment before deciding she had to be Loki in disguise. She handed over the bills.

"Here. So you don't have to steal and attract attention." The woman nodded and took the bills with a smile and vanished from sight. Natasha rolled her eyes and set about cleaning up.

After cleaning up she went to Clint's room and settled herself into the chair Loki had occupied and just sat watching her friend sleep. The earlier humor had faded back into concern for the archer.

Natasha sighed contemplating the issues troubling him. She could understand desperation and sorrow but she couldn't really come to terms with wanting to die. Even when she had been inches from taking her own life, she hadn't wanted to die. She just saw it as her only way out and she had been and remained so grateful to Clint for giving her another option. An option she hadn't thought she deserved at the time.

She sat in silence for quite a while before eyeing off the book Loki had been reading. She sighed and was about to pick it up when Clint shifted on the bed. She stilled waiting to see if he was waking up.

A distressed noise rose from the bed and Natasha moved to him, sitting on the opposite side of the bed.

"Clint." She called to him softly, hoping to draw him out of whatever was troubling his mind.

"No. Not again." His voice was unsteady and slurred with sleep and distress. She reached a hand for his shoulder and his eyes flew open at the touch. "Tasha!" His hands grabbed at her arm, trying to ground himself in reality.

"Shh, it's okay. I'm here." Her other hand moved to rest on one of his, trying to reassure him. His eyes looked over her form, wide with distress and concern.

"Are you okay?" He asked sitting up, separating them slightly but he kept a hold of her hand. Natasha's eyebrow rose.

"Shouldn't I be asking you that?" Clint drew in a shaky breath, looking down at their joined hands resting on his leg.

"Nat, the mission… I remember… you were hurt." Her expression softened in understanding.

"I'm okay. It didn't hit anything important and Loki healed me up." His eyes locked on to hers. There was something about the way she spoke about the god. There was no suspicion or weariness.

"You saw him." His whispered words were full of awe and her eyebrow furrowed in confusion.

"He's not invisible, Clint." The archer shook his head.

"No, I mean you saw _him._ Not the mask he holds onto, he showed you his true self." Natasha's puzzled expression turned to surprise as she recalled the openness she'd seen in his face that first night. Only now that Clint had mentioned it did she realize that the openness hadn't gone away. Now that she thought about it, neither had hers. She found she didn't know what to say but Clint's soft voice filled the silence.

"Have you ever noticed that everyone wears a mask? They hide away their inner most selves, rarely letting their true face shine through. We all do it, to protect ourselves from the world I guess. Only showing ourselves to those we trust or those around when it breaks." Clint's breathing hitched and tears rose in his eyes and he looked away before he continued his voice just as soft and wavering slightly.

"I'm shattered, Nat. What I remembered… I'm broken, my mask is gone. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I don't know how to move past this." Natasha lifted her free hand to his cheek, wiping away a tear with her thumb.

"You build a stronger mask and hide yourself away behind it until you can fit yourself together again. The same way I did. You live. Not _when_ , Clint but _because_." Clint's eyes darted to hers and he knew she was referencing when they'd first met.

"I don't know if I'm strong enough." He admitted with a whisper. Natasha just shrugged.

"Then I'll hold you up until you are." Her tone turned playful as she continued. "Now go shower you've been lounging about in those clothes for over a day now." She scrunched up her nose dramatically and managed to coax a small smile out of him.

Clint stood and grabbed his towel before moving to leave the room. He paused at the doorway.

"Nat? Thanks." She offered him a smile and he disappeared down the hall. Natasha sat on the edge of the bed looking down at her hands. She'd managed to get a smile from him. Sure it was a small one but it was a start.

"I said you knew how to help him." Natasha looked up to see Loki leaning on the door frame, a small smile on his face. Natasha offered him a smile back and he tilted his head towards the kitchen. She followed, her thoughts turning to what Clint had said about him. Without his mask, the god of mischief was actually quite likable.


End file.
